


Im Changkyun is pretty gay

by Chelsea_Horror



Category: Kpop - Fandom, Monsta X
Genre: Anxiety, Drabbles, I.M is my bi son, M/M, Multi, angsty fluff, inspired by words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-15 05:33:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7210031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelsea_Horror/pseuds/Chelsea_Horror
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know those small moments with your friends that they've probably completely forgotten, but you can't seem to let go of? Yeah. Changkyun has lots of those.</p><p>Each Chapter is Changkyun x another member, with different themes</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Winter Minhyuk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My Lemons ♡♡](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+Lemons+%E2%99%A1%E2%99%A1).



> This was written at 1:30 in the morning. Please be gentle with me. Also, I am Australian and do not know how snow works

Changkyun stuffs his hands further into his jacket packets as he climbs out of the van, and tries to ignore the way his teeth chatter ever so slightly as he lets out a heavy breath. He could already feel the tip of his nose turning red, practically the only part of his face exposed to the frigid air, the rest covered by a clumsil knitted, spectacuarly ugly beanie and scarf set. They were a gift from a fan. They had all recieved a set, but he was the only one who dared wear his in public.The fans loved it. Still, the scarf could only do so much for the freezing winter air. Changkyun curls his lip in distaste at the bare trees, blowing in the slight wind." _Fuck_ korean winters"

"Winter isn't that bad. I like it" Minhyuk mutters next to him, which is weird, because Minhyuk never speaks below _outside-voice_ level. Changkyun raises an eyebrow at him, peering between the green and pink wool wrapped around his face. "Not that bad?? ", He says incredulously, voice muffled by his scarf, "I can feel my toes threatening to fall off. I'm wearing two pairs of socks. _Two_ "  
Minhyuk grins at him, a quick flash of teeth and sparkling eyes, but looks back up at the sky. Changkyun raises his eyes too, but can't see what Minhyuk is so fascinated with. The sky over head is gloomy, and the air is heavy and silent. The sun hides behind dark, angry looking clouds. Its not a welcoming sight. Still, Minhyuk is looking at it with uncharacteristic single-mindedness, his breath turning into puffs of fog in front of him. Changkyun is just about to turn away, to go over to Hyunwoo to shove his cold face into his shoulder and leech his ever-present warmth from him, when Minhyuk suddenly beams. Its so beautiful that it floors Changkyun, roots his feet to the wet concrete. Minhyuk's eyes sparkle, the corners of his mouth pulled up into a smile that threatens to split his cute face. He lights up like a beam of sunlight coming out from behind a cloud. "Its snowing!" He breathes, holding his cupped hands out. His hands are red from the cold, but he holds them out, and Changkyun can do nothing but stare as a snowflake slowly, slowly floats down from the sky to land in Minhyuk's hands. He holds it delicately in his hands as if it was something precious instead of a piece of frozen water, staring in wonder and joy, and Changkyun thinks to himself that he's never really seen what happiness looks like until now. Minhyuk turns and shows him the snowflake, dark eyes glowing.  
"It's beautiful isn't it?" He says, smile not leaving his face for a second. Changkyun can barely force his brain to function enough to stutter out a reply. "Uhh y-yeah. It is"  
Minhyuk doesn't seem to notice how he trips over his words, and wipes his now-wet hands on his jacket, the snowflake melting into a puddle in his warm hands.  
"Don't be so harsh on winter. Without winter, we wouldn't have snowflakes, and then what would we do?"  
"Who knows" Changkyun answers, and he's sure he's still staring. The tips of Changkyun's ears are warm, and he's not sure its just because of the cold. Minhyuk winks at him and looks back up the sky again, trying to catch the snowflakes on his tongue, managing to look cute instead of like an idiot. Which is what Jooheon looked like, head stretched back and his mouth open as wide as possible. Changkyun yanks the scarf up higher on his face and hopes that the members blame the cold for the red blush that was spreading across his cheeks and nose as he turns away from Minhyuk, whose white hair was collecting more snowflakes than his outstretched tongue. He didn't seem to notice. Changkyun went over to Hyunwoo, buried his face into his warm, solid shoulder and thought quietly to himself that maybe winter was his favourite season after all.


	2. Sensory Overload (But its okay)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sensory overloads. Comforting dad Shownu. Crowd pleaser Wonho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lik dis if Son Hyunwoo has ever attacked u personally 
> 
>  
> 
> Again, this was written at a ridiculous time in the morning when I was being emo over Monsta X. This is meant to describe a sensory overload, but I only know about them from my own experience, so if it is inaccurate I am deeply sorry!

Changkyun always forgets how overwhelming concerts are. Between each set of concerts and promotions, he forgets how much  _everything_ a concert is. He used to think, back when he was young and hopeful, drunk on the thought of debut, that concerts would be satisfying. To stand on stage in front of screaming fans and know that every single person there loves you. The ultimate release. But its not.

Concerts aren't release. Concerts are sensory overload, crowds screaming, sweat dripping, stage lights glaring. Every bit of energy they put into their performance, the audience doubles, triples, until he can taste blood at the back of his throat and his lungs tighten in his chest and the microphone in his hand threatens to slip. 

This concert is worse than most. Every available seat is taken by screaming frantic fans, the biggest audience they've had yet. The stage lights focus on them in glares of blue and red, so bright that they blind him every time he lifts his eyes. The air is choked with fog and confetti, little bits of rainbow paper falling through the air to stick to his sweaty skin. Changkyun knows from experience that the multicolored marks they leave will take weeks to wash off properly. The thought makes him itch. Still, he moves through the last dance, ending just out of time with his members, a small enough mistake that the audience doesn't notice, but he sees Minhyuk look at him out of the corner of his eye. Changkyun ignores him and tries to focus on breathing. Everyone is smiling from the well done performance. Kihyun's smile is as bright as the sun itself. Even aloof and cold Hyungwon is grinning at the crowd, their hand made signs and banners waving in the air. Everyone except him.

Hoseok breaks out of the final position to strut towards the edge of the stage, winking at the audience. His easy grin has them screaming. They reach out their arms, hands grasping at him desperately. Changkyun wonders if the tightness in his chest is the leftover remnants of asthma, a throwback to his high school days.

 Hoseok raises his microphone, pauses a moment to let the audience to quieten before he speaks, "Did you enjoy yourselves?" THe speakers echo his words all around the venue, and his words buzz at the back of Changkyun's head. The audience screams back, a wordless plea for them to stay, to never leave, to look at them. Hoseok tilts his head back and yells the question again, not using the microphone. Changkyun watches a piece of confetti float past his face, the world fading away for a moment. It flutters to land on the sleeve of his too-tight shirt, and suddenly everything is  _too much._

His breath is too fast, too shallow. The world is fuzzy as tears fill his eyes. His knees wobble, threatening to give out, and he wonders if the audience could scream any louder, even if he collapsed in front of them. _What a headline that would make,_ he thinks. He laughs silently to himself. There isn't enough oxygen in his lungs to laugh out loud. He blinks rapidly, but the tears are filling his eyes quicker than he can blink them away. If only the lights weren't so damned _bright. Everything is too much, too much._ Someone is talking in his ear, way too close, and oh god he's going to be  _sick-_

Hyunwoo puts his arm around Changkyun's shoulder. The contact should bother him. But it doesn't. He looks up into Hyunwoo's dark eyes. "Breathe, Changkyun, it's okay. I've got you"

The words don't make any sense. Breathe? How?? Hyunwoo grips him closer and Changkyun buries his face into his slightly wet shirt and suddenly he can't see the lights, can't hear the crowd. He puts his hand over Hyunwoo's heart, and his heartbeat is right under Changkyun's fingertips, steady. Strong. Changkyun tries to mimic the rise and fall of his chest. He feels their heartbeats line up, like the unwavering tempo of a song. _One, two, three, four_. Breathe in, breathe out. Changkyun loses time in the circle of Hyunwoo's arms, and suddenly they're walking of stage, and back through to their waiting rooms. Changkyun lets Hyunwoo guide him. He wont let Changkyun fall. They're herded quickly through the hallways, and down to the underground car park where their cans are waiting for them. Their members surround them instinctively, silent, and as the sound of the excited audience fades away into the sound of their footsteps echoing off the concrete walls and floor. A staff member opens the car door and tries to usher Changkyun in, but Hyunwoo knocks his hand away before he can touch Changkyun, and guides him into the car himself. He quickly follows, so that Changkyun is blocked in against the window by his body. Jooheon and Minhyuk take the other seats in the car. Kihyun, Hyungwon and Hoseok take the seats in the other car, and then they are off, driving out onto the streets choked by fans leaving the concert. They scream as they pass, their camera lights useless against the darkly tinted windows. Changkyun knows he should wave at them. But he can't. He just can't. Hyunwoo presses closer against him. 

And Changkyun takes a deep breathe. Holds it. Lets it out. He is safe. They are safe. The ball of tightness in his chest unfurls. No one in in the car is speaking. 

In front of him, Jooheon turns around in his seat to look at Changkyun. He meets his worried gaze with an embarrassed smile. The members must be disgusted by him. Nearly fainting in front of their fans.  _He's so weak._ He can feel the flush spreading over his cheeks and neck again as Jooheon inspects him. Instead of berating him, Jooheon merely smiles, dimples flashing. He reaches out and ruffles Changkyun's hair before turning around and whispering to Minhyuk, who whispers back and starts moving his hands excitedly, his fingers moving too quick for Changkyun to follow as he gestures.

Changkyun's mouth trembles, and tears fill his eyes again. He doesn't deserve his members. They should be disgusted, sickened by him. He embarrassed them in front of their  _fans._ He clenches his jaw, and turns to look out the window. He will not cry again, dammit. Hyunwoo leans in, his breath warm against Changkyun's neck. 

"You okay?"He asks, his voice barely above a breath, so that no one can hear him but Changkyun. Is he okay? changkyun doesn't know. Will he be okay? Probably. So he nods slightly, still not looking away from the window. 

"We'll always be here Changkyun.  _I'll_ always be here. It's okay to need help. Concerts can be overwhelming."

Changkyun can't hold the tears back anymore. THey stream down his face, and his breath catches in his throat as he sobs. He turns and buries his face into Hyunwoo's neck again, knocking his head against his chin, but Hyunwoo doesn't complain, only wraps his arms around him. Changkyun breathes against his neck, probably smearing tears and snot on his stage clothes. Good.

"Damn you, Son Hyunwoo,"Changkyun says, deep voice thick with emotion, "I hate you"  Hyunwoo simply squeezes his shoulder and rumbles, "You're welcome"

Changkyun hates him. And his stupid leader-y wisdom. And his ridiculously comfortable shoulder. 

"Thanks,  _dad"_ Changkyun tries to say snarkily, but it turns out snottily and Hyunwoo does nothing but laugh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy howdy, what a ride.  
> I do not know if Changkyun actually had/has asthma, but please disregard that bc plot point.


	3. Red Lipstick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon has a pretty mouth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a roll with this drabble thing. Enjoy

"Could you stare _any _ harder, Changkyun?"

Hyungwon's sarcastic voice broke the silence of the makeup room and Changkyun startled, tearing his eyes away from the reflection in the mirror. He hadn't been staring.  _He hadn't. "_ I have no idea what you're taking about", he said to the cracked vinyl upholstery of the couch he was on, pointedly not meeting Hyungwon's narrowed gaze. He couldn't see his face, but Changkyun could sense the eyebrow Hyungwon raised in disbelief. Changkyun's fingers danced on his thighs nervously.

"Oh,  __really? So you _haven't_ been staring at my mouth for the past fifteen minutes? I must have been hallucinating. Probably all the hairspray." Hyungwon's dry tone put the Sahara desert to shame. Changkyun swallowed nervously.

"Nope, clearly you're unwell Hyung. You should take a nap"

"All I do is nap. And then practice. And then nap again." Hyungwon spun around in the makeup chair so that he faced Changkyun, long spider legs stretching across the tiny room so that their legs brushed together. Changkyun shifted away slightly, trying to be discreet. Hyungwon simply shifted with him, pinning him with his intense look. He was trying to intimidate Changkyun. It was something Hyungwon often liked to do. An unstoppable force, an immovable object, yada yada. But Changkyun wasn't someone who could be intimidated. He looked up from the couch and met his stare. Hyungwon's makeup was only half done, the makeup lady having been called away for a Jooheon related emergency, so one of his eyes were lined in black while the other was not, and he  _still_ looked camera-ready. He should've looked stupid. But he managed to make it look like a deliberate effect. Really, it was unfair. 

Changkyun met his eyes and gave him a slow wink, "Maybe  _you're_ the one who wants to kiss  _me,_ Hyung," Changkyun blew him a kiss with pursed lips, "That's fair. I'm cute after all" Hyungwon kicked him in the shins and turned around in his chair , making a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. He wrinkled his nose at him in the mirror, but he was grinning, those plump lips that fascinated Changkyun pulled into a cute smile. He looked far less scary when he was smiling. Hus eye smile made him look younger, less severe and model-like. It was a good look, Changkyun thought. 

"You're a little shit. You're lucky I have such a warm heart," Changkyun snorted at him but Hyungwon continued, "And that you're Hyunwoo's favourite"

That made more sense. Changkyun smirked at him, "You're afraid of Hyunwoo, really? "

"I'm not afraid of Hyunwoo, I'm afraid of his biceps. They could crush me. Without them , He's useless" 

Changkyun laughed, and Hyungwon smiled at him affectionately in the mirror. He really did have such a nice mouth. He didn't even need makeup to look nice. Changkyun tried to push the image of Hyungwon in red lipstick out of his head, because _wow that is not Pg-_ Changkyun looked away before Hyungwon could see the guilty expression on his face. Hyungwon stretched out again, tipping his head over the back of his chair so that his painstakingly done hair was mussed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, somehow comfortable like that. Maybe it was because he was tall.

Changkyun caught himself imagining what it would feel like to have Hyungwon stretched out next to him, pouty lips half open in his sleep and long body warm against his side. Hyungwon smirked, as if he could read Changkyun's mind. "You're staring again Changkyun"

Changkyun looked away, flushing, "Sorry" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare thineself for some Kihyun goodness next chapter


	4. Here In The Dark, No One Can See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun doesn't really touch the other members (Except Hyunwoo, but everyone likes touching Hyunwoo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun is my sarcastic, constantly giggling soul animal. That dork. Stan him.
> 
> **Had to edit this because no one told me there are thriteen members in Seventeen nit twelve I can't trust any of y'all

Changkyun stood to the left of stage, watching the group onstage run through their full set before the concert later on that night. Seventeen were on stage, all thirteen boys working hard. They hardly made any mistakes, but every time they did, they would stop and restart the entire song again, running through all the words and moves again and again. Changkyun understood why they did it. Monsta X did it themselves, Hyunwoo striving constantly for perfection from them and himself. But honestly, there were only so many times Changkyun could listen to _Mansae_ before he went insane. After the twelfth time, he was about ready to get up on stage and kick S.Coups in his leader-y shins for making them repeat it so many times. He was going to go crazy. And Seventeen still had half an hour up on stage to rehearse before Monsta X replaced them. He tried not to groan out loud as Woozi stumbled, and S.Coups called for the song to restart to the chorus of complaining from the other members. Woozi blushed in embarrassment. Poor kid.

Changkyun felt someone walk up behind him to join him at the foot of the stairs that led up to stage, but it was too dark in the wings to tell who it was. It was probably Jooheon. He liked to watch other groups, shouting encouragement whenever they stumbled and cheering when they completed a song perfectly. It was part of why he was so liked amongst other idol groups. Monsta X's "Hardcore" rapper Joohoney. Changkyun was pretty sure he smiled in his sleep. He was his best friend, so it was pretty normal for Changkyun to reach for his hand as he stood next to him in the darkness, intertwining their fingers together. Jooheon's hands were a lot smaller than he remembered. And lower down. But Changkyun didn't think much of it when Jooheon squeezed his hand.

They watched Seventeen go through their song one last time, finally getting it perfect. Changkyun shot Dino a thumbs up with his free hand and the boy smiled at him. Maknaes gotta stick together. Changkyun glanced at the dark figure next to him, surprised that Jooheon wasn't clapping and cheering for them like he normally would. "What's wrong? Not feeling so supportive today Jooheon?" He muttered.

"I'm sure he would be if he was here and not backstage getting his outfit fixed again" The voice that came out of Jooheon was not Jooheon's voice. It was Kihyun's. Which meant that the hand that he was holding was also not Jooheon's. Changkyun stiffened awkwardly and dropped his hand. "Uhh..You're not Jooheon" He stuttered, shuffling away ever so slightly. He saw not-Jooheon give him a sideways look that seemed to say, "Oh, _really?_ "

"I'm not nearly nice enough to be Jooheon. Or loud enough" Kihyun said, and Changkyun could hear that he was smiling. Changkyun flushed in the darkness, grateful that the shadows of the stage wings concealed his face. _God, how embarrassing._

It wasn't that he didn't like Kihyun. In fact, he really liked him. Kihyun did his best to take him under his wing, trying to make up for his cold shoulder during their _No Mercy_ days. Changkyun wanted to tell him that he understood, and that Kihyun didn't need to feel bad. It was okay now. Kihyun always laughed at Changkyun's jokes, no matter how bad they were, and that made everyone better in Changkyun's opinion. But no matter how much they might like each other, they weren't actually physically close. Kihyun wasn't really physically close with any of them, not being a touchy guy like Jooheon (Except for when he was around Hyunwoo, but then, they were all touchy around Hyunwoo)

Kihyun and Changkyun definitely didn't hold hands.

As they stood there watching Seventeen complete their rehearsal together in slightly awkward silence, Changkyun couldn't stop thinking about how it had felt to hold Kihyun's hands. They were so _warm._ And his hands were so much smaller than Changkyun's, Kihyun being the only one in Monsta X shorter than Changkyun (A fact that he never let Kihyun forget. Also a fact that earned him a kick in the ankles every time he mentioned it) It had felt completely natural to wrap their hands together. Kihyun hadn't even flinched or pulled away.

There was no way Changkyun could concentrate on the stage anymore. He was too busy stealing glances at Kihyun. Every now and again, a stage light would illuminate them, washing Kihyun's high cheekbones in blue, red and purple light. He was mouthing the words along with Seventeen, so focused that he didn't even notice Changkyun as he edged slightly closer. Changkyun slowly creeped next to him until they were nearly touching, and subtly stretched his fingers towards Kihyun's hand. At lest, Changkyun had _thought_ he was being subtle, until Kihyun grasped his hand in his own, pulling Changkyun in close. He didn't even stop mumbling along. Changkyun's breath caught I his throat and he choked for a second, startled. Kihyun side-eyed him again.

"Just couldn't resist me, could you?"

Changkyun smacked him with his free hand, and Kihyun giggled. He squeezed Changkyun's hand again, making him blush, and they stood there in the stage wings, watching Seventeen, hands linked in the darkness. Changkyun heard Hyungwon snigger behind him, only to be shushed by someone, probably Hoseok. Changkyun ignored him. Kihyun's hand felt nice.

* * *

It was pretty normal to see them walking around holding hands after that. No one dared say anything (Because Hoseok threatened anyone who would with disembowelment) Nothing much changed. Changkyun still made Kihyun laugh like he'd never heard anything funnier. Kihyun still amazed Changkyun with his beautiful voice and his unfailing ability to be dorky.

Except now they held hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to you guys, some fluffy Wonho next, or honey bun Jooheon?


	5. Hoseok is Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun is sick but its chill because Hoseok is here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MINHYUK IS IN THE HYUNG LINE. WHAT. MY LIFE IS A LIE.

Changkyun watched the rain batter against the window, nearly shaking the glass in its frame. He could hear the wind howling outside, even over the sound of Jooheon's blaring music.  The weather was so terrible that their plans to go out had been cancelled, and they were all stuck inside on one of their only days off for the next couple of weeks. _What a joke_. They needed to go outside soon, or he was going to shrivel up from lack of vitamin D. Changkyun sniffled miserably and pulled the blanket tighter around him. He was so  _cold._ But at the same time he was boiling, sweltering. His head was so fuzzy it felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls. Changkyun  _hated_ being sick.

"What are you doing in here all by yourself?"

Changkyun didn't look away from the window as Hoseok walked into the lounge room and stood behind him, bumping his feet against the mattress Changkyun had dragged in front of the window (mostly because Changkyun was sure he might swoon if he moved his head too quick)

"I was banished here by Kihyun. He said my sniffling was "interrupting" his "super important" work" Changkyun croaked as sarcastically as he could with his sore throat. It was still pretty sarcastic- Hyungwon would've been proud. And Changkyun was pretty sure Kihyun's super important work involved taking selfies. Hoseok laughed and flopped onto the mattress next to him, making it slide along the floor slightly, "Sounds like something Kihyun would do" 

Every movement had Changkyun's stomach twisting, and it quickly let him know that it did  _not_ appreciate Hoseok's bouncing movement. He fought the urge to vomit all over Kihyun's blanket as Hoseok made himself comfortable, stretching his legs out so that they were braced against the wall, leaning back on his hands. He leaned in Changkyun's space, not seeming to mind that Changkyun was a breeding ground for sickness right now and that he probably shouldn't be breathing near him. Changkyun didn't have the heart to tell him to back off. Hoseok lifted his arm to pull Changkyun against him, but Changkyun shook his head quickly (which was a  _bad_ idea) and Hoseok paused, arching an eyebrow. 

"No offense Hoseok, but if you touch me right now, I'll infect you" He sniffled loudly for emphasis. Hoseok leaned away, dropping his arm. 

 _"Ewww_ Changkyun germs" He whined, mockingly. Changkyun rolled his eyes at him and pulled the blanket even tighter around him as his body shook violently again.

"I can't believe you're the second oldest"

"You sound like Hyungwon now. You're spending too much time with him lately, he's infecting you," Hoseok declared, shaking his head in disapproval, "You've fallen in with the wrong crowd, Changkyun. What would your mother think?"

Changkyun grinned at him, but his retort was cut off by another violent tremble, his whole body shaking from the cold. He could feel his teeth threatening to chatter. Hoseok gave him a concerned look, "Are you cold? Do you need me to turn the heater up?"

He shook his head. It was already warm in the lounge room, Hoseok had to be boiling in his over sized hoodie and sweats. Changkyun was just sick and cold and miserable. Changkyun scoffed at Hoseok as he pressed his hand to Changkyun's clammy forehead, pushing the damp strands of hair off of his flushed skin. His eyes grew even more concerned as Changkyun trembled under his hands. He tried to push Hoseok's hands away, but his attempts were so weak it was nearly laughable.  He scowled at Hoseok.

"Get off of me, I'm not your kid. I can look after myself" He whined, leaning away from Hoseok's hands. Hoseok ignored him and stood up, pulling his hoodie off in a single smooth movement, and knelt in front of Changkyun.

"Bullshit you can take care of yourself, you're a baby. Now put this on, and I'm going to go get you some water and panadol, okay? You're burning up, but hopefully you can sweat the flu out" He held the hoodie over Changkyun's head, holding the neck open for him. Changkyun made the most disgusted noise he could, pushing it away. The blanket slipped from his shoulders, exposing his arms to the room. He tried not to shiver again.  _That would just prove Hoseok's point._

"Dude! Stop mothering me!"He complained. Hoseok leaned back on his heels and pinned him with a soul freezing stare. Changkyun felt like he was twelve again, and had just been discovered holding the broken shards of his Mother's favourite vase.

"Sorry" He whispered, flushing. Hoseok's eyebrow raised even further.

"That's what I thought. Now let me put this hoodie on you, you child" Changkyun let him gently tug the hoodie over his head and over his shoulders, carefully holding the sleeves out so Changkyun could fit his arms in. Immediately, Changkyun was 100x warmer. The hoodie was so soft and big and  _warm._ It smelt like Hoseok too. It was like being hugged by Hoseok himself, something Changkyun definitely didn't do enough of, he decided. Changkyun curled his fingers into the soft hem. Hoseok smiled fondly at him, smoothing the fabric over his shoulders, "Better?"

Changkyun nodded, burying his nose into the soft neckline. Hoseok patted his head and stood up, "Try not to die while I'm away, okay? " He said, and walked through to the kitchen, leaving Changkyun by himself in the loungeroom again.

Changkyun breathed in deeply. Seriously, whatever cologne Hoseok wore, it was probably expensive (considering Hoseok's taste) and goddamn mouthwatering. He'd never noticed before. Changkyun made another vow to hug Hoseok more often. And to steal his cologne for fan meets.

Hoseok walked back in holding a glass of water in one hand and some tablets in the other. He handed them to Changkyun, and lowered himself carefully to the mattress, doing his best to not jostle him too much. Changkyun swallowed the pills, making a disgusted face at the gross taste, and then downed half the glass. Hoseok cleared his throat pointedly.

"What?" Changkyun asked.

"All of it, Mister " Hoseok scolded.

Changkyun rolled his eyes at him, but drank the rest of the water and sat the empty glass next to him on the floor, "Happy?"

"Delighted," Hoseok reached into his pockets and tossed a handful of tissues into his lap, " Here. I love you Changkyun, but if you get your snot on my hoodie, you'll pay. In more ways than one"

Changkyun grinned and blew his nose extra loudly on purpose. Hoseok groaned but Changkyun could see the sparkle in his eyes. "Snothead "

Hoseok liked to pretend to be tough and manly, but everyone knew he was the mother of Monsta X, not Kihyun. Kihyun wasn't the one buying their lunches, keeping an eye on them during their practices when Hyunwoo was too busy to do it himself, nagging them to eat and drink well. Kihyun wasn't the one who gave them his jumpers when they were sick.

Changkyun leaned onto Hoseok's shoulder, wrapping Kihyun's blanket around him so that they were both trapped in it. If he really cared about being sick, he wouldn't have handed over his jumper. Hoseok tucked him in close against him, planting a kiss against his forehead. Changkyun smiled against his shoulder, letting his hand rest on Hoseok's muscled thigh. Seriously, why didn't they do this more often? Some of the fuzziness in his head had already vanished, and the trembling had stopped. Hoseok was better than any heater.

"I love you too, Hoseok"

"Yeah, well. Get better soon, kid"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways I hope you enjoyed this mess


	6. Homesick and cuddly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FINALE HONEY BUN JOOHEON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hands up if you want some sleepy jooheon cuddles, that BOI is so fluffy. Also, any #Gun fans here??? Bc he's debuting and I have feelings

Changkyun felt Jooheon's hot breath against his ear before he heard him speak, whispering as quietly as he could manage, "Oi kid, scoot over"

Changkyun crinkled his nose against his   llow, groaning.  _What fucking time is it?_ He was tired, his feet were tired,  _everything hurt._ Changkyun squeezed an eye open to look at the alarm clock on the tiny hotel bedside table. Its digital face told Changkyun that it was 1:31 AM.  _1:31 AM._ As far as Changkyun was concerned, any time before 7:00 was an unholy time, and anyone who woke him up before said time was actually Satan himself. Satan tried to pull the blanket from Changkyun's tired, but surprisingly firm grip.

" _Changkyunnnn pleaassseee?"_ Jooheon whined, his voice still hushed. Even so, it was too loud for the tiny hotel room, and Hyunwoo rolled over in the bed across from them. Jooheon tugged on the blanket insistently. The moonlight streaming through the open window silhouetted Jooheon in silver-grey light, and Changkyun could see the sleep-tousled hair, the dark circles, the wide pleading gaze. He groaned into his pillow. No one could resist Jooheon's puppy gaze, _and he bloody knew it._ Changkyun hated him. He scooted back in his bed so that his back was pressed against the cold wall, lifting his blanket so Jooheon could slide in with him. Even with only the moonlight illuminating the room, Changkyun could see Jooheon's mile deep dimples.  _Ridiculous_.

 Jooheon quickly climbed into the bed, and even though Changkyun was as far back as possible, single hotel beds just weren't made for two grown boys. But it was fine. Jooheon was a touchy enough person that Changkyun was used to him, and since they lived in a dorm together, far away from home....well, it was fairly common to share beds. This was familiar to Changkyun, faces a breath apart, hands tucked carefully to chests so they didn't brush one another, sharing the same air. 

Jooheon pulled the blanket over him more tightly, tucking the blanket around him, and Changkyun had to inch closer to stay under it. "Dude"He mumbled. That extra inch meant that any idea of personal space kind of disappeared. Their legs were pushed together, Jooheon's pyjama-clad legs soft against Changkyun's bare ones (If he had known he was going to be sharing his bed, he would have thrown pants over his boxers, but he didn't normally plan for this sort of thing, and you just couldn't predict Jooheon sometimes). Changkyun resisted the urge to wrap his legs around Jooheon's, and instead laid very,  _very_ still. 

"Could you hog any more of the blanket?" Changkyun whined.

"What, we're sharing" Jooheon breathed, and his words were hushed by the blanket pulled up to his chin. It was very warm. Changkyun was suddenly acutely aware of how close they were. He wanted to pull Jooheon in even closer, trap that heat against him like his own living heater. But that would probably make this whole situation weird. Like it wasn't weird to sleep in your best friend's bed. Y _our best friend who was pushing his ice cold feet against yours, dammit._ Changkyun glared at Jooheon, but he probably couldn't see it. How could someone with such a toasty body temperature have such cold feet??  _Cold feet, warm heart._

 _"_ Why are you even in here? Something wrong, is Kihyun snoring again? Because Hyunwoo isn't much better" Changkyun whispered, and on the other side of the room, Hyunwoo made a noise that was a cross between a dying dog and a car engine. Jooheon's eyes slid away from Changkyun's face. Under the blanket, he could feel Jooheon twisting his fingers into the fabric of his shirt, something he did when he was nervous or shy. Changkyun didn't think he even noticed he did it. 

Üh...I'm just...". Jooheon raised a shoulder slightly, "You know. Homesick"

Changkyun could hear what Jooheon was really saying.  _"I'm lonely and scared and away from home. I need to be around someone right now"_

They made eye contact over the pillow. In the moonlight, his hair was fluffy and dark red against the white pillow, and Jooheon looked vulnerable, young. Suddenly, Changkyun realised he was homesick too. Homesick for the dorm that was only warm once eternally cold Hyungwon had been home, that smelt like men's deodorant and boy, that was warm and inviting and so far away that Changkyun felt a pang in his chest. He was tired of weeks of stiff hotel sheets and clothes half shoved into suitcases. He wanted to be back at the dorm, wrapped up in his blanket that smelt like home, because his mother had bought and washed the sheets for him, knowing full well that he was far too hopeless to remember to buy some for himself. He was homesick for the dorms that had once been uninviting, but was now his home.

He could see tears forming in Jooheon's eyes, and without any thought, they both scooted even closer. Automatically, Changkyun pulled Jooheon against him, and Jooheon nestled his head into the warm space between Changkyun's neck and shoulder, lips pressed against the soft skin there. His fluffed up hair tickled Changkyun's nose, but he didn't mind. Jooheon's hair smelt pretty nice for a boy Changkyun had once witnessed choosing his entire wardrobe from off of the floor.

Jooheon's arms encircled Changkyun's waist, tugging him so close that Changkyun could feel his heartbeat against his chest. Their legs tangled together into a big warm mess, Jooheon's muscled thighs squishing Changkyun's in a good way, until Changkyun couldn't tell where he ended and Jooheon began. It was a good feeling. Changkyun ran his fingers over Jooheon's shoulder, tracing patterns into the shirt. Jooheon nuzzled into his neck, breaths slowly deepening as he grew more and more comfortable in Changkyun's arms. 

It was easy to forget that Jooheon was his Hyung, with his face pressed against Changkyun's neck, hands wrapped around his waist like he'd never let him go, so close they were nearly one person. Clinging onto Changkyun like he was falling. 

Changkyun's heart hurt in the sudden wave of affection and protectiveness he felt for Jooheon, so intense it nearly took his breath away. He felt his heart give a heavy  _fwump,_ and Jooheon squeezed his waist. Changkyun silently vowed that if anyone ever hurt his best friend, he would do terrible, terrible things to them. Possibly with Hyungwon's help. Changkyun traced big, loopy letters into his shoulder, hoping he wouldn't recognise the letters against his skin.

"I love you"

And maybe that hadn't always been true, back when Changkyun was just another boy for Jooheon to knock out of the survival show and forget, another boy in the way of his dream to debut. But that was then. Now they were friends,  Monsta X was his family. Boys he could rely on and laugh with and turn to when he needed help. And if there was another word for the way he felt about them that wasn't love, Changkyun didn't know it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading my drabbles and for leaving such nice comments!!! I love you all and i'm adopting you. Follow me at seductive-cheese on tumblr and yell about Monsta X with me anytime you want


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